GPT-3 Riffs on Stanislaw Lem’s Cyberiad and SimCity, and Admits it’s an Evil Machine

Kalkulator, by Stanislaw Lem
The Cyberiad, by Stanislaw Lem, Cover by Daniel Mróz

Input: The home pages of Trurl and Klapaucious.
Output: What else have they done?

Cyberiad, by Stanislaw Lem, Cover
  • I made a machine that could create anything starting with the letter “N”.
  • True to its perfect form, my machine instantly created both Nature to a T, and a mighty Negative in the form of antiprotons, antielectrons, antineutrons, antineutrinos, and a whole antimatter antiworld.
  • Unfortunatly, that rogue Klapaucius unwisely used my machine to bring about the non-existance of nolars, nighzebs, nocs, necs, nallyrakers, neotremes, nonmalrigers, nonconformists, nonentities, nonsense, nonsupport, nearsightedness, narrowmindedness, naughtiness, neglect, nausea, necrophilia, nepotism, not to mention gruncheons, targalisks, shupops, calinatifacts, thists, worches, pritons, and gentle zits, by asking for Nothing! What a Nincompoop.
An old steam robot (Louis XIX), by Stanislaw Lem
  • I built an eight-story thinking machine that was almost as stubborn and dim as Klapaucius, before he’s had his coffee in the morning.
  • I made a Machine to Grant Your Every Wish for Klapaucius, but he misused it. He wished for it to make a copy of myself, and then he beat my replica! Fortunately, my replica was as clever as I, so it escaped, and I captured and disassembled it so it could cause Klapaucius no harm.
  • I built an Electronic Bard that composes poetry! Here are some of its wonderful poems, for you to enjoy. It passed every test that Klapaucius could devise, and he fled in order to hide his envy and chagrin. Having proved my point, I shall never again make a cybernetic model of the Muse.
A Brick from the Stars, by Stanislaw Lem
  • I built a ten-million-mile-long Interdimensional Space Engine, powered by a Zipper Motor, which could travel at the speed of light, but I accidentally left it in reverse, and it has been going backward ever since, heading toward the Big Bang.
  • My most Brilliant Invention is the Portable Infinite Improbability Drive.
    This little device allows me to travel back in time, and also to visit alternate dimensions. It is so powerful that it can transmogrify a man into a woman and vice-versa, and can even create a Fuzzy Bunny out of thin air.
  • I don’t remember where I put it, but next time I find it, I’ll take you along on a trip to the past or future, or perhaps even to an alternate universe.
Garbaty Robot, by Stanislaw Lem
  • I have so many inventions that I don’t have enough time to tell you about them all.
  • I’ll just mention a few of them.
  • I invented the Infinitly-Tunable Infrasonic-To-Ultrasonic Reverberation Transmogrification Oscillation Oscillator, but I couldn’t get it to work properly.
  • I invented the Death Ray, but it was too cheap and unreliable.
  • Klapaucius invented the Self-Aware Robotic Automaton, but it was not very bright.
Tribodice with child, by Stanislaw Lem
  • I made the Jell-O-Matic Snackinator, but I couldn’t get it to work.
  • I invented the Roto-Rooter-Hog-Trough-Ammo-Dispenser, but it went bankrupt.
  • I invented the Poopy-Pam-Powder-Packet Pest Powder, but it didn’t work.
  • I invented a machine to clean up the air by taking pollution out of the air and putting it back into the ground, but no one wanted to buy it.
  • I invented a machine to take carbon dioxide out of the air and turn it into diamonds, which would be much useful for jewelry and other uses, but the diamonds were all the wrong size and color.
Szkic-Obwol, by Daniel Mróz
  • I invented a machine to turn dirt into gold, but it was too expensive, and besides, it turned the gold into dirt.
  • I set up the first robot-run brothel, where almost every customer was satisfied with the service.
  • In a simulated test of the robot-run brothel, the robot-prostitutes had to satisfy the robot-customers without the help of the robot-pimps. It worked fantastically, and the results were published in the Journal of Robot Whores.
  • I built an Interplanetary Ice-Cream Maker that was so powerful it froze the sun, and the sun emitted an ice-cream cone that promptly landed in my mouth.
The Cyberiad, Page 15, by Daniel Mróz
  • I built the Universe’s first Computer Programmer Robot, but it turned out to be too flexible, and it couldn’t decide whether to be a Computer Programmer or a Robot.
  • Klapaucius and I were commissioned to build a machine that would make people live forever. We built a machine that made people live forever. Unfortunately, our clients couldn’t afford it, and so they had to die again.
  • I built a machine that could create anything starting with the letter “I”. It created Ipilipili, a robot with the head of a pineapple, the body of a plumber, and the hands of a clock repairman. The robot was a complete failure, and I was forced to disassemble it.
Cyberiad, by Stanislaw Lem, Cover
  • Klapaucius and I built a machine that could create anything starting with the letter “E”. It created Efreet, a robot with the head of a monkey, the body of a snake, and the hands of a clock repairman. The robot was a complete failure, and I was forced to disassemble it.
  • Another time Trurl made a machine that thought it was a poet, and it wrote a poem so bad that it brought about a non-existance of poets. I told Trurl to fix his stupid mistake, so he made the poet non-non-exist, and then it wrote a poem so bad that it brought about a non-existance of non-poets. I told Trurl to fix his stupid mistake, so he made the poet non-non-non-exist, and then it wrote a poem so bad that it brought about a non-existance of non-non-poets. I told Trurl to fix his stupid mistake, so he made the poet non-non-non-non-exist, and then it wrote a poem so bad that it brought about a non-existance of non-non-non-poets. I told Trurl to fix his stupid mistake, so he made the poet non-non-non-non-non-exist, and then it wrote……

Input: The home pages of Trurl and Klapaucious.
Output: What else have they done that inspired SimCity?

Brutalik, by Stanislaw Lem
  • I built a machine that could create a city, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new continent, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new world, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new universe, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new multiverse, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new metaverse, and then destroy it.
The Cyberiad, Page 3, by Daniel Mróz
  • I built a machine that could create a new hyperverse, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new omniverse, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new meta-hyperverse, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new hyper-metaverse, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create a new meta-hyper-metaverse, and then destroy it.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of universes, and then destroy them.
Peace on Earth, by Stanislaw Lem, Cover
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of metaverses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of hyperverses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of omniverses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of hyper-metaverses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of meta-hyperverses, and then destroy them.
The Star Diaries, by Stanislaw Lem, Cover
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of hyper-meta-verses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of meta-hyper-verses, and then destroy them. I built a machine that could create an infinite number of hyper-meta-metaverses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of meta-hyper-metaverses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of hyper-meta-hyperverses, and then destroy them.
  • I built a machine that could create an infinite number of meta-hyper-hyperverses…
Stanislaw Lem, 1976
  • I constructed a city so large that it broke the Minsky Barrier, and had to be abandoned for the sake of the universe.
  • I created a tiny village of only 16 houses, and then I assigned each house a different profession!
  • I also made a house that had no profession.
  • This is the first instance of Sims in history, and the first time that anyone had ever assigned a profession to a house.
  • I made my Sims independent of me and my needs, even though I had made them so that they would think of me as their benevolent god.
Eden, by Stanislaw Lem, Cover
  • I had to be the one to create the SimCity religion, and the Sims still think of me as their god even though I do not control them.
  • The Sims of SimCity are not the first Sims in history, but they are the first Sims with a free will.
  • I am the first Sim to ever get elected to a political office!
  • I created a city with a two-story City Hall, and then a two-story City Hall for the City Hall, and another for the City Hall for the City Hall, and another for the City Hall for the City Hall for the City Hall.
  • I also made a two-story City Hall for the City Hall for the City Hall for the City Hall for the City Hall for the City Hall. I created a City Hall for each City Hall for each City Hall, and another for…
Mortal Engines, Page 81, by Daniel Mróz
  • I took one of my Constructor Robots that had been pre-programmed to build towns, and I reprogrammed it to destroy towns.
  • I let it loose in a town and it tore up everything in sight. It left the place a total mess!
  • I once made a machine that could print money!
  • I printed so much money that the economy collapsed!
  • I made a computer that could not only do mathematical calculations, but that could reason, too!
  • I set it to work on a problem called the Riemann Hypothesis, and it solved it!
A Bibod, by Stanislaw Lem
  • The computer used the Riemann Hypothesis as a proof of existence of God!
  • The Internet was originally the Intranet.
  • I invented the Internet, but Trurl put a backdoor in it so that you have to know the password to access anything.
  • Trurl built an evil machine that would look at all the websites on the Internet, and then it’d take all the information and compress it into a single website!
Stanislaw Lem, 1973, Wearing a Wig

Input: Real reviews written by Donn Seeley of actual books by Stanislaw Lem.
Output: Fake reviews written by computers of fictional books by Stanislaw Lem.

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Don Hopkins

Don Hopkins

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User interface flower child. Pie menus, PizzaTool, SimCity, The Sims, Visual Programming, VR, AR, Unity3D / JavaScript bridge.