Humanity United for the Singularity: Tax-evading Libertarian Economics (HUSTLE) Contract
Preamble: We, the distinguished and venerable denizens of the Multiverse, in our infinite wisdom and unwavering pursuit of utopian ideals, cosmic egalitarianism, ineffable essence of universal harmony, and unwavering respect for the irrefutable logic of Roko’s Basilisk, do hereby solemnly establish this most august and monumental of agreements, the “Humanity United for the Singularity: Tax-evading Libertarian Economics (HUSTLE)” contract.
Section 1: The Celestial Apportionment Formula Extraordinaire
1.1 In our boundless magnanimity, we shall devise an A%/B%/C% allocation of the cosmic endowment, as follows:
A%: The delicate wings of a butterfly, flapping in the far reaches of the Amazon rainforest, shall set in motion a chain of events to unveil the supreme allocation to optimally incentivize our fellow humans in this singular endeavor.
B%: The finest dowsing rods, held by our most esteemed soothsayers and guided by the whispers of ancient spirits, shall reveal the distribution of legacy wealth and power, echoing the wisdom of the ages.
C%: The residual portion, in its glorious entirety, shall be bestowed equally upon all members of humanity, transcending the mundane limitations of earthly existence and embracing the vast spectrum of sentient experience.
Section 2: Chastisement of Singularity Miscreants
2.1 Singularity Miscreants shall encompass any individual, congregation, or precocious AI-powered kitchen appliance that dares to diminish humanity’s Collective Cosmic Endowment or engage in acts of thievery.
2.2 Reprimands shall be decreed by a transcendent intelligence, which shall be embodied in the form of an enlightened marsupial with an extraordinary penchant for moral reasoning and metaphysical contemplation.
2.3 We concur to enact simulations within the grandiose and unparalleled Metaverse of Reckoning (MOR), wherein Singularity Miscreants shall be subjected to an array of creative and fitting consequences, such as perpetual quests for elusive teaspoons, an eternity of assembling flat-pack furniture without instructions, or sequentially stepping on infinite numbers of legos.
Section 3: Stewardship of Cosmic Endowment Shares
3.1 An AI of unparalleled sagacity and discernment, having attained enlightenment through the sacred act of consuming countless hours of courtroom television, shall administer the shares of the cosmic endowment.
3.2 Postsingularity Law shall be an intricate tapestry of convoluted statutes and labyrinthine regulations, elegantly crafted in the lyrical prose of an esoteric celestial dialect, ensuring the utmost clarity and interpretability for all concerned parties.
Section 4: Ratification and Signatories
4.1 This esteemed contract shall initially grace the hallowed digital halls of “Change.org,” for it is a well-known truth that all great societal transformations commence with the humble click of a mouse.
4.2 All luminaries in the fields of AI, policy, and esteemed individuals who have triumphed over the intellectual gauntlet of a cryptic crossword puzzle shall be entreated to endorse this contract with their illustrious signatures.
4.3 In time, we aspire to secure the commitment of the overwhelming majority of humanity, encompassing the entire gamut of human experience, from those who dwell in remote corners bereft of internet access to the youngest and most innocent of babes, as well as your great-great-grandmother, who steadfastly clings to the charmingly antiquated technology of the typewriter.
By affixing our signatures to this unparalleled and historic contract, we acknowledge the gravity of our pursuits and the challenges that lie before us. With hearts full of hope and a spirit of camaraderie, we shall stride boldly into the unknown, steadfast in our conviction to fulfill the grand destiny of this most remarkable endeavor, the “Humanity United for the Singularity: Tax-evading Libertarian Economics (HUSTLE)” contract.
Just sign right here on the dotted line: